Dear Parents,
When I say parents, I am addressing any parent who has ever
wanted a wonderful, well-balanced, successful life for their children. What
parent wouldn’t want that for their children? It’s not a bad thing at all.
I’ve been observing some things for a while, and now that I
am out “on my own” as far as that can mean, I have noticed that it isn’t just
me that struggles with the pressures and expectations parents seem to have on
their children. I’ve talked to many students who say that they are pursuing a
certain topic or career field because it makes a lot of money. Once you start
to go into further conversation with that person or student and we get to the
underlining meaning of why they are pursuing that career with a bunch of money,
the reason that most student’s seem to tell me is because “it’s what my parents
wanted”, “my parents told me to go down this path”, “it’ll make them happy”.
Although, I am not a parent and cannot fathom the thoughts and worries of a
mother or father, I can expand my mind to understand the perspectives and paths
many parents want their children to go down. I understand that you all, as
parents, want the best for your children. As do my parents.
More often than not, the career path you
passive-aggressively, or straight-up force on your children can only go a
couple of ways. Your child could rebel against you, or they could be the best
child ever and do exactly what you say and do it exactly how you want it.
Personally, no child wants to upset their parents, or disappoint them or let
them down. But, when that kind of pressure and expectation is exuded on your
child, it weighs them down. They may seem giddy and gung-ho, but on the inside,
it stresses them and confuses them, because this career, this decision that
you’ve essentially made for your child is causing them great turmoil on the
inside. I know you just want the best for them, and I know that since “you are
the parent”, you always know what’s best for your growing, independent,
uniquely-made, born into a different generation child. Of course parents have
so much wisdom that any smart child should abide by, but what I am conflicted
by is when will that mom or dad step back and start to let their child make
their decisions on their own without hovering or putting them in a bubble? Of
course a parent is going to let their child make their “own decisions” if the
parent themselves places that child/student into a bubble that they approve of.
But, when will the parents realize that children (growing into young adults)
have to make their own mistakes in life? As a parent, you are their guide and
their decision maker up until a certain age. They are dependent on you, looking
to you for all of the answers, but there comes a time when that child,
typically when they move out and go to college, has to learn how to become an
independent thinker and decision maker without always having their parents to
rely on. Yes, parents will always be there to help their child, but it takes a
little bit of give and take on both ends of the spectrum…
Especially when it comes to the child’s passions and dreams.
Have you, as a parent, asked, really sat down and asked your child what their
true God-given passions, talents, and dreams were? Have you given them that
freedom of allowing them to express themselves and their minds without you
bombarding them with what you think is best? Have you listened to everything
their heart had to say without shooting them down and telling them that they
can’t pursue their dream because you don’t approve and you think that X, Y, or
Z is a better option? A better fit? I know it’s hard to do, but have you really
started to see your son or daughter as a growing adult in the college realm
making decisions, and as a person discovering who they are and just what their
lives are for?
I get that a lot of young people don’t always know what they
want to do, and they may need some guiding, advice, pushing towards one thing
or the other. Or maybe your child does know what they want to do with their
life, they’re just too afraid to tell you because 1. You won’t listen 2. You
won’t approve 3. It won’t be your idea of a worldly success and 4. They are
afraid of your reaction and will feel as though you believe they are rebelling
against you, and I promise you, if you haven’t had any problems out of them
before and you have raised them as God-fearing people, they’re not trying or
going to rebel against you. They admire and respect you way too much for that.
After talking with my peers, I’ve realized that a lot of
young people in my generation are more often than not so highly pressured to
pursue goals, aspirations, and dreams that will amount to status, fortune,
fame, and worldly desire, and most times, those dreams and goals that are being
pushed on them are the dreams and goal, you as parents wanted for yourselves
and you desire so much for your child to be a better person than what you were.
I can’t speak for all of the youth, but if your child has any idea or inking of
just what you have done to provide, protect, love and teach them under
comfortable, non-worrying circumstances, and they know that God comes first
above all things, I can guarantee you that you will not have to worry about
their personal success etc.
When you push your children to a place, a career, a goal, a
motive they have no passion, no interest, no anything about, it pushes them
away on a certain degree. It puts strain and stress on them. Why wouldn’t you
tell your child to pursue their passion or to go after what they’ve loved and
been talented at their whole lives? Why would you discourage them from their
calling? Why would you say no when God has said yes? Why would you tell them
that their dreams and passions are stupid and unachievable? Why would you tell
them that it’s not good enough or that it doesn’t make enough money? Why can’t
they defy the odds and go after what Jesus wants for once?
After all, wouldn’t you want your child to take part in
being the advocate for change for this society? What is a success? There is a
distinct difference in being a success in the world’s eyes and being a success
in the eyes of God. Yes, you know this right? Because you’re the adult? You’re
older? You know more?
No, I am not being a smart-ellec. I’m just curious. I’m just
frustrated. I’m just passionate and I just want to know why? Why won’t you let
your kids do what God has called them to do?
There’s a lot to be afraid of. This world is so crazy, but
God would never take them to a place where He will not cover or protect them.
Sometimes, as we grow older, we lose our faith; we lose our child-like faith
Jesus tells us to have.
Where is your faith? Why don’t you believe what God has
called them to be? Why don’t you see that your child is destined for greatness?
It’s just not the greatness that you may have perceived. God has His own way of
doing things and they won’t go how you planned for your child and they won’t go
how your child planned, but God is Sovereign and He remains faithful and in the
end, that’s all that really matters.
When your child has enough confidence to finally tell you
what their passions are, don’t shut them down and don’t discourage them. They
might just end up changing the world.
Be open-minded and rely on God as you and your college
student slowly and carefully make the steps into moving forward in the future.
It won’t be easy for you parents, because it’s hard to see your children grow
up and go off on their own. Just be confident in the fact that you raised them
to be amazing people and if you trust God, that won’t fail.
Sincerely,
The young adults of those parents
