Trust Issues?

TRUST ISSUES?

I think we've all pretty much been there...trusting people. It's a hard thing to do especially when you've been given so many reasons not to trust. So, how do you overcome that? How do you DEAL with that?
Well, I'll let you know, everyone copes and deals with situations differently. It's not all the same. SO! here goes.

So, there's been a point and time where you have put your trust in someone or something either they're your family, friends, relationships whatever, something was done to abuse your trust. And ever since that devestating moment, you've looked at the world differently. You either see the worst in everyone, or you never give other people a chance to prove themselves, or you just want to continue to be heavy-burdened by the fact that you cannot confide in anyone.

I understand that this is the easiest thing to do, shut down to anyone and everyone that tries to reach out to you. I understand that it is easier to not open up to anyone and harbor things inside. Yes, it may be easier, but it is not healthy. This kind of repression coping is not the way to go. It is never good for ANYONE to hold anything inside. It is good to let things out...It will make you feel better.

The first step into dealing with your trust issues is ACKNOWLEDGE. You need to acknowledge where everything went wrong. Most times when people have not dealt with past issues, it all the more makes it more difficult to continue FORWARD through life. Most times people have not forgiven the very ones who hurt them so badly. FORGIVENESS=FREEDOM. Darlin', forgiveness is for you. When you forgive someone it releases you from that burden that you've held onto for so long. When you don't forgive, it only damages you even more.
After you acknowledge your past situation and you have dealt with everything involving it, whatever it may be...LET IT GO! YES! I understand that it is crazy hard to let go of something, which I know sounds a bit silly. Because in the process of letting it go, you still have those memories and flashbacks of the very thing that abused your trust. I understand that from time to time, you may think about what happened and think about those painful memories, but DON'T let Satan cloud your brain. You shake those memories off, and you give them to God!

A main reason, we as people have such a hard time trusting is because we fail to trust the very One who created us. We fail to rest in the arms of the One who told us not to worry about what happens. Many times, when we get hurt, especially young ladies, we tend to cut our emotions out of everything, and we tend to act out, or try to find SOMEONE who fills that empty void in our heart, or we try to find SOMETHING that brings comfort to us temporarily. But that's not good either.

God is our source, and He is our provider. Once we LEARN to FINALLY trust God with EVERY aspect of our lives, and we REFLECT on His forgiveness, we will come to see that we're not perfect just like the ones who broke your heart. They're not perfect either.

And once you realize that we fail God everyday, and we ABUSE Him and CHEAT on Him with other things in our lives, and He never fails to forgive us, it will make it a little easier to go through life looking upon others with love, humilty, and forgiveness. No, it's not always going to be easy.

And yes, there may be times where your flesh may want to take over, but we have to remember as Christians, that we're not perfect either, and we don't deserve God's love. Because I know young ladies, some of us like to say, that such-and-such doesn't deserve your love after that HORRIBLE thing they did to you, but that all the more should be a heart check and reflect on yes, what that person did to me was terrible, and was it so bad that they don't deserve forgiveness? [But, if you think about it, no one deserves forgiveness including you. We forgive because God first forgave us. And we ALWAYS forgive out of love.] Once, you ask that question to yourself then proceed to think about how we don't deserve forgiveness but God forgives us anyway. That should lighten your heart a tad bit more than before.

No, I am not saying you can trust everybody, you always have to discern whether it is the right decision or not, but what I am saying is that if you ever come across a decision and you're on the verge of not forgiving and holding a grudge against that person who abused your trust, just think about your relationship with God.

Proverbs 3:5-6, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."

I charge you to take a moment and relfect on this verse. Once we give all our cares to God and ACTUALLY put our WHOLE hearts in God's hand and not worry about what's going to happen and put your faith in action, God will help that very issue you were struggling to fix yourself. Trust God. He knows what you're dealing with. He knows it's hard for you to trust again. But, let me tell you, YOU can TRUST God because He will never fail you or let you down. Trust in God is a must. Once you learn to do that, you'll finally be able to see everything unfold in your life. And you'll finally be ale to come to a point in life where you can finally rest, stop worrying, and actually enjoy the moments in life that you live.

Always remember to keep it calm, cool, and collected...for Jesus!

Ayanna Tillman

Fed Up With Fake Friends?

"Fed Up With Fake Friends??"

(For those of you who weren't quite sure about this picture, it is a picture of a girl pretending to console her friend but really wish she was eleswhere spending her time. lol her face is funny)

I am pretty sure we have all had that friend or friends who have said to us, "I'll be here for you, I promise." or "you can talk to me about ANYTHING" or "I got your back." or even "I would never turn my back on you." Many of us have become so scarred because of all the promises and words our "friends" have claimed to say to us, but they ended up leaving us or talking bad behind our backs. Now, even when a new friend comes along, and they tell you one of the phrases mentioned above, it's hard not to think "lies, lies, lies." all in your head. The reason we think this is because that's what we're used to. That is all we have come to know. So, it is hard for us, especially young ladies, to believe anything a potential friend has to say to us, unless they have proven themselves worthy of their word.

Fake friends are everywhere, and it is hard to distinguish who is ginuine and who is fake now these days because so many people can act very well. And many times, especially for females, friendships can take the wrong road very quickly, and as soon as a friend is made, they are turned into an enemy. So, how do we tell who is real and who isn't? How do we know who we can trust and who we can't? It is good to ask these questions to yourself so you can evaluate the authencity of your friendship, but it is even better to ask yourselves, "Am I good friend?" "Can my friends trust me?" "Do my friends think I am worthy of my word?" "Do I prove myself to be ginuine?" Not only do we have to be aware of the friendships we are making, but we also have to be aware of what kind of friend we actually are. Because the kind of love, ginuiness, listening, consoling you put into the friendship, the same thing you will receieve. So, in most cases you cannot be mad if your friend is not pulling their part of the bargain, if you're not pulling your own.

Let me address the ones who claim to have "soo many friends". Honey child, all those "friends" you claim to have, well, all of them are not your friends to tell you the truth. Most of them either don't care about you. Most of them aren't friends with you because of you and your precious heart and personality. If you're popular, some of them just might want to be a part of the spotlight you're in. There could be a whole list of reasons why some of those many friends aren't really your friends. If you're tired of having friends who say they are going to be there for you no matter what and they NEVER come through, you have to evaluate if those friends are worth keeping.

Every friendship should be filled with PURPOSE. We should never want a friend that will not build us up in Christ, or want a friend who we are not equally yolked with, and we shouldn't want a friend just because of the material things that they posses. As christians, we should always be intentional about the things we do, and we should always strive to do EVERYTHING with purpose. And even if you're popular, and you have a lot of friends who are only with you because of the fame and you know it, I advise you to choose PURPOSE OVER POPULARITY. In the long run, they won't be worth it. And in the long run, when you run into some struggles, like all christians do, the ones who run from you, you will know to let go. And the ones who remain loyal to you, you should keep.

Have discernment of the Holy Spirit to know which friendships you should keep and which ones you should let go. Hvaing extra baggage is never any fun, and it won't help you grow. Yes, sometimes letting go of a friendship can hurt sometimes, but if they're not making you a better person by hanging out with them, or if they're not encouraging you in the Lord, and they're causing you to sin, I think it's about time you put your priorities in check. My dad always told me this saying that I will never ever forget. He has always told me, "Show me your friends, and I'll show you your future." That has truth to it. Your surroundings and your atmosphere can dictate the things you do and accomplish in your life. Friendships have a bigger influence on you than you realize. That is why we always have to be cautious about the friends that we choose to have, and the friends that we choose to hang out with or get involved with.

Proverbs 18:24, "A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."

It is MY personal opinion, that there is no such thing as having A LOT of friends. I believe you can have A LOT of AQUAINTANCES, but never a lot of friends. Plus, it is always better to have a small group of close, God-fearing, ginuine friends, than a bunch of friends who will leave you at the slightest mountain. The older you get, the less and less your circle will become. Besides, when you get older, things change. People change. Purposes change. Priorities change. It's just a fact of life. Especially as a christian. Not everyone can go where God has ordained you to go.

It is very simple, if you're fed up with fake friends, or you're tired of being abandoned by the ones who claim they care about, just LET IT GO. Yes, it will be difficult when you first start off, but God will show you better companions that you can have that will help you with your Walk, and help encourage you and guide you down that narrow path. Besides, if you really desire for any friendship of yours to last, put God first, and let God be the center of EVERYTHING you do, and everything else will all fall into place.

Yes, my love. It is that simple.

& never forget, Jesus will always be your friend, your BESTfriend when all else fails. People WILL fail you because they are human and they are not perfect, but Jesus will never let you down. You can trust in Jesus. HE will be there for you. He's a friend that sticks closer than a brother, and He is so special, and so sweet. Try Him out. He's a friend you'll never lose, and a friend you'll never want to get rid of. (; Because once you get with Jesus, you'll never go back!

I charge you to reevaluate your friendships, and to really think about if you're really a true friend yourself. Be ginuine. Be kind. And always show love in everything that you do.

Always keep it calm, cool, and collected...for Jesus!

Ayanna Tillman



How To KEEP A Relationship With God

"How To KEEP A Relationship With God"

Sooooo, you say you have a relationship with Jesus, but you feel like you're on the verge of relapse and you're wondering how to keep and maintain the most important relationship you so desperately need. Well, one thing for sure, Jesus will never leave you nor will He do wrong by you. So, you might need to revise your give and take of your relationship with Jesus.

Before I go into how to KEEP your relationship with God, I will cover a few main points on HOW to actually have a relationship with Jesus if you do not have one already.

The Process of HOW:

The first step in having and developing a relationship with Christ is,
1. SURRENDER:
You have to be able to surrender to Christ, if you ever expect anything from this relationship you want to have. "So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you" (James 4:7) The very first thing you have to do is surrender to Christ, and give up the ways of your sinful nature. You come to Christ, and you acknowledge that Jesus is YOUR Lord and Savior, and that you will give up ANY and EVERYthing to follow after Jesus. The same thing goes with a human relationship. Let's say you decide to enter into a spirit-guided relationship, and only be with one guy. This means that you have to STOP acting single and flirting with every guy you see, and be loyal to the guy you decided to be with. (As classy christian ladies, we shouldn't be throwing ourselves at any guy in the first place. You allow for a young man to PURSUE YOU not vice versa). So, when we surrender to Christ, we let go of all of our sinful, ungodly, rambunctious ways, and pick up our cross and follow Jesus.
2. WILLINGNESS:
You have to be willing to have a relationship with God. You cannot force anything; it's just like a relationship you would have with a human. You cannot force a friendship or a relationship. What will happen if you try to force a key in the wrong lock? It will not open. The key won't work. You cannot force yourself to give up everything for Christ because ultimately, you won't be doing anything at all because you will be bitter in your heart. Be willing to chase after Jesus. Be willing to get to know Christ just for WHO He is NOT for what He can give you. Jesus is AMAZING, and he's kind, sweet, and how perfect ladies...Jesus is a GENTLEMAN! Who wouldn't want to be willing to have a relationship with Him?!?!?! Once you actually decide in your mind that you are going to be willing to live for Jesus everything else will flow smoothly.
3. ALLOW GOD TO USE YOU:
After you have surrendered your life to Christ, and made up in your mind that you are going to have a willing heart to serve him, (the next part is easy), you have to allow God to use you. What I mean when I say allow God to use you is you just have to learn how to rest and trust God's plan for your life. You have to be ready to move when God says move. How can God use you for the greater good of the Kingdom if you're walking outside of God's will for your life? That's a very bad place to be. Resting and trusting in God's will allows you to be used by God the way He has intended. God can use you for SO many wonderful things, you just have to surrender yourself, be a willing participant, and be ready to go when God wants to take you somewhere.

Now that I have covered a little bit on HOW to have a relationship with the most AMAZING man ever, Jesus, I will give you some more pointers on how to actually KEEP a relationship with God.

So, you have a relationship with God, and you feel like giving up because no matter how hard you try, you don't feel connected with him? Well, let me tell you. Like I said before, God NEVER leaves you. The strain you may feel in your relationship is because you and your FLESH are getting in between the quality time God so desires to have with you. It's not God's fault. It's your fault. YES, that sounds really mean, but lovelies, know that I am not trying to be mean but simply speaking the truth to you. "Nothing can separate us from God's love" (Romans 8:28). Nothing can nor ever will. BUT, our flesh can separate you from being able to hear God's voice, and direction, and guidance. 

One thing you have to make sure you do when you are in this AMAZING journey with God is
1. COMMUNICATE EVERYDAY (PRAY):
Ladies, let God know how you feel. You say you want someone who cares about your feelings. You say you want someone who will just listen to you pour out your heart, but you don't reach out to that someone who has always been there. JESUS! He is the PERFECT person if you just want to listen and spill your heart out to God. Communicate with God. He cares about your feelings, your hurt, and your thoughts. He wants to spend time with you. So, don't be afraid to tell God how you feel. Be open with God, and just chilllllllllll. Take note. Don't be too busy telling God about your feelings that you forget to let God speak to you. Now, God is a gentleman and he won't force himself on you BUT in order to know what you should do or where you should go, you have to allow God to speak to you through the Holy Spirit so He can give you guidance and direction. Sometimes, you have to go into your quiet place and meditate on his love and allow for him to speak to you. Yes, I know you love Jesus and you want to tell him everything, but also remember, he wants to talk to you too! ^.^
2. MAKE A DECISION:
Make a decision that you want to live for God, and to please and serve Him. It's not all about the TAKE. You have to give some too. You're probably thinking, giveee??? What??! I have nothing to give God. Ohhh, yes you do love. God wants your WHOLE heart and your life. Surely, you can give Him those things. Because when your heart is right with God and you fall madly in love with him, trust me, you'll want to be doing everything you can to make God happy. (: This also means living for God even though you just don't feel like it. It's hard, but that's when you press into God all the more. "Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you" (James 4:8).
3. CHILL:
Yes, my love, chill. As you already know, God wants to spend time with you. And there are some times where we just need a break from this crazy world, and that's when we come and REST and just chill with God. In terms of chill, I mean putting on a little worship or praise music, open up your bible, and spend some time in prayer. You'll be amazed on how renewed you will feel. It doesn't matter how you spend time with God, as longs as you do it reverently. 
5. SACRIFICE:
With all relationships comes sacrifice. And this is very important especially when it comes to your relationship with Jesus. In order to be in or keep this relationship with God, you have to be WILLING (there goes that word again lol ^.^), you have to be willing to sacrifice some things for God in order to get closer with Him. Now, this can vary. Since God is jealous for you, He does not want you devoting any time to something else that should be devoted to him. God may ask you to give up a friendship, a sport, a organization, or anything of that nature in order for you to be closer and grow in Him. It all varies for every person. So, just spend time in prayer and ask God what you should sacrifice in order to grow closer in him.
6. COMMITMENT:
If you are really serious about your relationship with God, you will quickly learn that you need to be committed to God in order for God to really shine through and in you. "Jesus replied, 'You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.'" (Matthew 22:37). God doesn't just want part of you, he wants ALL of you. When you are committed to someone, you are committed to giving your whole being to that person to please them, to make them happy, to let them know you are there. That's what God wants from you. He wants your willingness and commitment to him. He'll never make you do anything you do not want to do, but he gave you free will. He just wants to see how much you really love him and how committed you actually are to this relationship you barely claim. Sometimes, lovely ladies, you will experience some times where it just seems like God is not there or he doesn't seem to be answering your prayers, but just know God is ALWAYS there for you. God works in mysterious ways remember????? (; Dry spells are common for every genuine relationship with God. Trust me, I've had them. Sometimes it felt like God wasn't there. I wasn't really feeling him in praise and worship. But that is when I held onto God the most. Dry spells do past, but you also have to be aware of the enemy. Satan. Because he will try to lure and tempt you back into your old sinful ways, but you make sure you tell Satan NO! Let him know that you are a child of God, and that you have ALREADY won the victory through Christ Jesus who ALREADY conquered the grave! So you telllllll Satan to SWERVEEEEE and rebuke him in the name of Jesus Christ!!!!!!!! Put some attitude and bass into your voice! Because when you call on the name of Jesus, Satan has to FLEE! Resist him!
7. ENJOY:
Pretty young classy ladies, in this relationship and journey with God, just restttt my darling. Enjoy your life with God. Enjoy where God is going to take you. Be happy in the Lord, and rejoice in him always. Always give thanks for who He is, has, and is doing in your life. Life with Jesus is FUN, and it surely is worth it. God proves himself to be faithful and he will not delay. So don't rush. Take your time. And enjoy the life God has given you, and the life you get to spend with God. "For the word of the Lord holds true, and we can trust everything he does." (Psalm 33:4).

So, after saying this ladies, I charge you to return to your first love Jesus. Don't be discouraged if you feel like you have done wrong. Simply, repent, ask for forgiveness, and start fresh with God. Jesus loves you so much and He just wants the best for you.

P.S. Corresponding video coming soon! Stay tuned and spread the word!!
Always keep it calm, cool, and collected...for Jesus!

Ayanna Tillman

Keepin' It Classy In A Not So Classy Society

"Keepin' It Classy"

As we all know, this society that we live in has lost its sense of class. Everywhere, we see young women dress more and more skimpy by the day. We see young men wearing their pants around their ankles, people losing respect for not just authority, but for their peers as well. So, how do you maintain a little class in a society who seems as though it has lost its class?

You can learn how to become a classy young lady. It may seem as though being classy is a hard attempt, but no. Being classy can be incorporated into your way of life. Starting with your mindset that eventually flows into your actions. Being classy will become second hand nature to you. 

So, you are probably wondering, how in the world am I able to keep it classy if everyone around me is acting a complete fool?

Here's a few tips!:

1.) It starts with how you treat others: KINDNESS. Yes, it sounds cliche, but kindness is a very important character trait to have as a young lady especially a young lady who lives for Christ. We all should know the Golden Rule by now. "Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you. This is the essence of all that is taught in the law and the prophets" (Matthew 7:12). It is imperative that we keep this rule very close to our hearts, and it is also imperative that we apply this rule to our lives every single day. Having kindness plays a great role into how you are treated by others. Better yet, having kindness plays a great role into how YOU treat others! I understand that sometimes we have our days where we are not in the mood in treating others with kindness. BUT, in order to maintain the character of a classy lady, we always have to have kindness harboring in our hearts. Especially being a young CHRISTIAN, CLASSY lady. WE now belong to Christ, so we have bigger responsibilities because we are apart of the body of Christ. We ALWAYS have to remember that someone's salvation is at stake. So whether we feel like it or not KINDNESS is always the way to go. EVEN THOUGH, we all should treat others with kindness, this DOES NOT mean we let anyone walk all over us. It is very possible to keep it nice AND classy while being FIRM and NON-TOLERANT of DISRESPECT. 


2.) The way you dress. YES! Living in today's society, one can easily see that the way an average teenage girl dresses is...well, let's say skimpy? Especially, seeing all of the celebrities with very exposed outfits on. Many teenage girls look up to these celebrities who are all about "fashion". But, fashion these days seems as though it has lost its sense of decency. I can see how and why girls dress the way they do. They want to be apart of the fashion world with the latest styles and fads. There is a way to keep up with the fashion world and also keep it classy. But, as young women living for Christ, we should be more concerned with our lives reflecting Christ and being ambassadors for Him. I am not saying there is anything wrong with looking cute or fashionable because there is not. There is just a pre-caution we have to take as young women for Christ especially attaining the special curves God has blessed us with. Ha. We also have to keep our priorities in check. I understand we are young women, and we like attention and we like to accent our bodies with certain clothing. BUT, we also have to be aware that these young men are easily entertained by any and everything a young voluptuous woman has to offer, and there will usually be only one thing on their mind. (*hint hint, if you know what I mean). Roman 12:1 says, "And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice-the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him." As young ladies, we HAVE to make sure that we present our bodies as LIVING sacrifices to the Lord. We want to please the Lord by the way we treat and handle our bodies. This also means by the way we dress. He wants us to OPERATE in the SPIRIT and NOT in our FLESH. Ladies, if the way you are dressing is to attract a young man, you should revise your wardrobe. Dressing raunchey will not gain you the positive attention you want, but will only differ Christian young men who are looking for a classy lady to call their own. We need to learn how to dress modestly, and allow others to be attracted by what is in our MINDS and HEARTS rather than by what we are showing off to the general public. Beauty begins on the inside. Priority check! Always keep in mind, we are DAUGHTERS of Christ and we are HIS PRINCESSES. So, always conduct and dress yourselves in a manner that God would approve of.


3.)The way you talk/conduct yourself. Ahh, yesss young ladies. The way we conduct ourselves with our thoughts, actions, and speech should always reflect a classy, honorable, young lady who lives for Christ. How can we call ourselves young classy christian ladies if we are going off on someone all the time? Or how can we claim the title of a "lady" if we are not acting as such, dancing very inappropriately at the teen clubs? First of all, young ladies should not be attending clubs, and partying, better yet a christian young lady. Second of all, no matter how mad you get, a young lady should never go off on someone especially in a public facility. "Fools vent their anger, but the wise quietly hold it back" (Proverbs 29:11). A young lady should always be quiet and reserved in the way she conducts herself. Take note, I am not saying a young lady should be timid, but what I mean when I say quiet and reserved is by holding a certain respect and self-confidence about her. A young lady does not need to make known that she is a lady. People will know because she simply ACTS like a lady. Walk it like you talk it. Young ladies should not have perverse lips. This is just a no, no and VERY unclassy. "For women who claim to be devoted to God should make themselves attractive by the good things they do" (1 Timothy 2:10). No one likes to hear a loud mouth chick. I am pretty sure you do not even like to hear a loud mouth chick. So, if you find yourself wanting to pop off at the mouth, take a moment, and recollect yourself. Young ladies, as we eventually mature into godly women, we will be able to understand what all it means to be classy in everything we do. But, why wait?! The time is now! We need to conduct ourselves as godly young ladies! While doing so, we will have incentive to be an example to the other aspiring young ladies out there at the same time bringing souls to the Kingdom! HOW AMAZING!


I charge you to conduct yourselves worthy of the Gospel of Christ, always holding class, dignity, and humility about yourselves. In everything you do, do it for the Lord!


Always keep it calm, cool, and collected...for Jesus!

Ayanna Tillman