I think we've all pretty much been there...trusting people. It's a hard thing to do especially when you've been given so many reasons not to trust. So, how do you overcome that? How do you DEAL with that?
Well, I'll let you know, everyone copes and deals with situations differently. It's not all the same. SO! here goes.
So, there's been a point and time where you have put your trust in someone or something either they're your family, friends, relationships whatever, something was done to abuse your trust. And ever since that devestating moment, you've looked at the world differently. You either see the worst in everyone, or you never give other people a chance to prove themselves, or you just want to continue to be heavy-burdened by the fact that you cannot confide in anyone.
I understand that this is the easiest thing to do, shut down to anyone and everyone that tries to reach out to you. I understand that it is easier to not open up to anyone and harbor things inside. Yes, it may be easier, but it is not healthy. This kind of repression coping is not the way to go. It is never good for ANYONE to hold anything inside. It is good to let things out...It will make you feel better.
The first step into dealing with your trust issues is ACKNOWLEDGE. You need to acknowledge where everything went wrong. Most times when people have not dealt with past issues, it all the more makes it more difficult to continue FORWARD through life. Most times people have not forgiven the very ones who hurt them so badly. FORGIVENESS=FREEDOM. Darlin', forgiveness is for you. When you forgive someone it releases you from that burden that you've held onto for so long. When you don't forgive, it only damages you even more.
After you acknowledge your past situation and you have dealt with everything involving it, whatever it may be...LET IT GO! YES! I understand that it is crazy hard to let go of something, which I know sounds a bit silly. Because in the process of letting it go, you still have those memories and flashbacks of the very thing that abused your trust. I understand that from time to time, you may think about what happened and think about those painful memories, but DON'T let Satan cloud your brain. You shake those memories off, and you give them to God!
A main reason, we as people have such a hard time trusting is because we fail to trust the very One who created us. We fail to rest in the arms of the One who told us not to worry about what happens. Many times, when we get hurt, especially young ladies, we tend to cut our emotions out of everything, and we tend to act out, or try to find SOMEONE who fills that empty void in our heart, or we try to find SOMETHING that brings comfort to us temporarily. But that's not good either.
God is our source, and He is our provider. Once we LEARN to FINALLY trust God with EVERY aspect of our lives, and we REFLECT on His forgiveness, we will come to see that we're not perfect just like the ones who broke your heart. They're not perfect either.
And once you realize that we fail God everyday, and we ABUSE Him and CHEAT on Him with other things in our lives, and He never fails to forgive us, it will make it a little easier to go through life looking upon others with love, humilty, and forgiveness. No, it's not always going to be easy.
And yes, there may be times where your flesh may want to take over, but we have to remember as Christians, that we're not perfect either, and we don't deserve God's love. Because I know young ladies, some of us like to say, that such-and-such doesn't deserve your love after that HORRIBLE thing they did to you, but that all the more should be a heart check and reflect on yes, what that person did to me was terrible, and was it so bad that they don't deserve forgiveness? [But, if you think about it, no one deserves forgiveness including you. We forgive because God first forgave us. And we ALWAYS forgive out of love.] Once, you ask that question to yourself then proceed to think about how we don't deserve forgiveness but God forgives us anyway. That should lighten your heart a tad bit more than before.
No, I am not saying you can trust everybody, you always have to discern whether it is the right decision or not, but what I am saying is that if you ever come across a decision and you're on the verge of not forgiving and holding a grudge against that person who abused your trust, just think about your relationship with God.
Proverbs 3:5-6, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."
I charge you to take a moment and relfect on this verse. Once we give all our cares to God and ACTUALLY put our WHOLE hearts in God's hand and not worry about what's going to happen and put your faith in action, God will help that very issue you were struggling to fix yourself. Trust God. He knows what you're dealing with. He knows it's hard for you to trust again. But, let me tell you, YOU can TRUST God because He will never fail you or let you down. Trust in God is a must. Once you learn to do that, you'll finally be able to see everything unfold in your life. And you'll finally be ale to come to a point in life where you can finally rest, stop worrying, and actually enjoy the moments in life that you live.
Always remember to keep it calm, cool, and collected...for Jesus!
Ayanna Tillman
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